Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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