2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
