From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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