I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
