I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
