Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
