I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
