If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
