Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
