I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
