Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
