I wish I only lived at night.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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