In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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