nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
