Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
