After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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