he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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