why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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