Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
