why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
