Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
