So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i now understand why vodka
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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