she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
