Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
