She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
