I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
