Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
