I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
