My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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