My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
