If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
