I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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