I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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