This is not my ceiling
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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