There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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