i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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