I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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