Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
