If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
