I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
