hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Boobs are out for the taking
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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