I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just threw up on my dentist
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
