I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
