At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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