I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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