I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
