A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
