How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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