some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
