I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
