guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this just has baby written all over it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
