I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
